Just for Laughter

Couples

Q. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
A.  It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

 

Lawyer

Lawyer : "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man."
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

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Lawyer : "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
Witness: "Not yet."
 

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Lawyer : "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer : "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
Witness: "Yes, sir."
Lawyer : "What did she say?"
Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"

~~~

Divorce court judge to husband: "Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
Husband: "That's very fair,your honor. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

~~~

Next --> Grandma in Court

New Seat Belt Law

This becomes effective March 27, 2015. The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed Car Seat Belt.

Results show that automobile accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed and cars become much safer. Correct Installation is illustrated below...

Please pass on to family and friends. THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

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I know you smiled. Have a nice day.

PS: This is what makes him happy after 25 years of marriage !

NEXT:  Humor --> "Disorder in the American Courts"!

"Disorder in the American Courts"!

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS   : He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS   : Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


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ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS : By death.

ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS : Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS    : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS    : If not, he was by the time I finished.


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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS    : Are you shitting me?


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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS   : Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS    : None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS    : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS   : All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

<<<< 00 >>>> 

NEXT:  Humor --> Grandma in Court

Grandma in Court

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.'

The defence attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: 'If either of you rascal asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.'*

NEXT: Humor --> "Disorder in the American Courts"!